I recently finished my first semester at Harvard. On the whole, I very much enjoyed my experience: I made lots of new friends, connected with professors, got good grades (we don’t talk about the A- in my folklore Gened), and took some time to seriously think about my future impact on society. Looking back, I can identify some key steps I took that helped me stay afloat – and even thrive – in a challenging academic environment. Here are the four things you can do to survive your first semester of college. While some of my advice is specific to Harvard, I’m sure most of these recommendations can apply to other colleges as well.

Step 1: Do not eat food off the floor

Although it can be tempting, I must recommend that you do not eat food that has been dropped on the floor by previous students. Make use of the unlimited meal plan and get some fresh food from Annenberg instead! Studies show that the floor has bacteria, and bacteria can make you sick. Becoming sick decreases your chances of survival. Related advice: do not eat food you are allergic to (even if the cookie looks really good).

Step 2: Avoid tall ledges

There are some really nice views from high places around campus. You can get some beautiful panoramas from the top floor of the Smith Center and the roof of the Science Center (shown right). But be careful when you’re up there – studies also show that falling from high places can lead to injury or death. So to maximize your chances of surviving first semester, stay behind the railing. Or better yet, don’t even risk it! The first floor is your friend.

Step 3: Wear a mask

This should be the most obvious step on this list, and by now it should be second nature! Make it a habit: every time you leave your room, grab your mask. Every time you enter a building, put your mask up. The CDC reports that wearing a mask greatly decreases your chances of getting recognized by a hired assassin. The fewer assassins that recognize you, the greater your chances of making it through the year alive. Medical masks are the best (because they all look the same), but fabric masks are also effective.

Step 4: Learn how to use a microwave

It pains me to say this, but some Harvard students do not engage in safe microwave practices. Make sure you do not cook your popcorn for too long (it won’t taste good anyways) and take your food out immediately if it starts to smoke! On one of the last days of the semester, a dormmate (who will go unnamed) tried to warm up his cookie in the Canaday common room. Five minutes later, the fire department was on the scene. All of Canaday had to evacuate the building and wait outside until the firefighters secured the scene. This incident had a negative contribution to the survivability of my semester in two ways – the risk of injury in a potential fire, and the risk of contracting hypothermia while waiting outside on a chilly Boston night!


A fire truck pulling up in front of Memorial Church.

Conclusion

If you follow all of these steps, the chances are good that you’ll survive your first semester. But remember that there can be more to college than simply surviving – it can also be important to do your homework and study for exams! I wish you the best of luck with your own college journey. Thanks for reading!